words, words


  1. I know for me personally, it's easy to get worn out by the daily grind of doing the daily blog. And at times I feel like getting something 'decent' up today is more important then if I enjoyed doing it or enjoy the outcome. Which in turn makes for some shitty art... while a perfectly fine drawing, still shitty art becausee there wansn't really anything I wanted to say in it, or anything that I feel from it. It doesn't say anything except "I drew this today". The complete reverse has happened too. When you find something there that you didn't intend. It's a great feeling knowing that your subconscious is at the wheel even if you're not.

    I don't worry about the daily thing too much, though. As is apparent by my missing days all the time, but when I get on a roll like I am now, I feel that if I miss a day I've completely fucked up, and I've lost it all of a sudden. Which makes it hard to get 'it' back. It's all mental, though. Sometimes it just takes a big 'fuck it'. You can't worry about it too much.

    At the same time I enjoy the pressure of the daily thing,a nd I enjoy meeting that deadline. Sometimes it's just a stall until the next day. Sometimes some beautiful accidents happen. Sometimes (like right now) a boring sketch I did only for getting something up today turns intoa great idea that excites me and then it's back, like it never left.

    The main thing I try to remember is that they can't all be winners. ALso, I just don't care what people think of my stuff. If they like it, great! But if they don't, I don't care. YOu can't please everyone. As long as I liked it, or am at least just 'keeping in practice' I'm fine with it. It's a public sketchbook, what do you want? Drawing every day is very important though. Even if it's crap. Especially if you wnat to make a career out of it, you need to be sure that you can do the technical even if the emotional isn't there that day. If someone wants to pay me to draw something, and I'm not 'feeling' it that day, it's good to know that I can probably ink it or color it regardless of my wanting to be creative that day.

    And, if you need a day or a weekend off, take it. It's only art. The art world, nor your world will collapse if you take a few days to relax or process your thoughts and feelings. Do what you have to do. Do what's best for you and your art, not other people and/or their expectations.

    I'm just babbling now... and probably just trying to convince myself of these things too. I'm going to shut up and ink this page now.

  2. Hi Ester,

    every word completely resonated with me...as though I'd written it myself. Constantly returning to the alchemy of trading ego and performance anxiety for humility and openness. One of those things that is simple, but not easy. I appreciate you sharing this. The magic, the "play" WILL return. The dance will begin again...and again...and again.

  3. thanks a lot to both of you. I really appreciate the comments, especially knowing that I'm not the only one out there...


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